infant woes

The NBC sitcom, FRIENDS, happens to be one of my favourite shows. I watch it all the time, and recently when I took a "How well do you know the sitcom FRIENDS?" quiz on facebook, my result was "FRIENDS guru". My fascination apart, I watched a real cute episode and I had to share my thoughts on it. I am talking about the one where Monica (one of the characters) while trying to play "fly an aeroplane" with Ben, her nephew (her brother, Ross's son), ends up hitting his head against the wall. The little guy, who apparently is only learning to speak, is able to blurt out only two words after the accident: "Monica bang" (Worth mentioning at this point is the aunt's happiness that her nephew can say her name and the fear that she may get caught for the little bump on his head!!). This episode got me thinking about the numerous times people have done that to their little ones (mm, I can see that guilty smile as you read this!).

An incident that occured quite long ago in my life will prove my point. When I was a little girl (I got this story from my mom, though she doesn't seem to remember this now!), rather more of a baby, to be exact when I couldn't talk, my mum, dad and I lived in a joint family, I know I know...loads of people to look after the little one, but well that was precisely the reason, I could get dropped and the act would go completely unnoticed.

My father's sister, then unmarried and really young, used to live with us. She was nuts about children and would simply not allow anybody else to hold them. And so when I was born, she could never get enough of me. She would fuss around and ensure that only she fed me. All that attention aside, one evening before my mom could return from work, my aunt was dutifully carrying me around, and generally trying to show me a good time. The innocent bundle of joy that I was, I cheerfully tagged along (like I had a choice). We went out onto the balcony, enjoyed the flowers and when the bees started to annoy we decided to go down and wait near the gate for my mom to return. The staircase it had to be, so while making our way down, my aunt dropped me right on the stairs. I went tumbling down till the last step and stood up crying. I was hurt on my lip and no where else, luckily enough. My aunt, after she realised what had happened, came running after me and helped me up. Damage done, she shushed me and I quietened.

My mom came home, saw me with the hurt lip, and did not quite understand what had happened until my aunt sheepishly told her what she had done. Me, I was too small to blame somebody for my accident and if my mom had not noticed this might have just been another accident gone unnoticed.

I was lucky in the sense, my aunt was old enough to admit it, but when the predator is old enough to know they are wrong yet young enough to not own up, well, then the baby is in biiiiig trouble.

This reminds of one really funny incident that took place long time ago. I am just the third person here and nobody need get ideas about me being the tormentor!. The protoganists are two little cousins of mine. The predator (girl, older sister) was about 4 yrs old and the prey(boy, younger brother) was 2. So here goes the story:

The little girl lived on the floor above the boy. Now as is the case many times, before the little boy was born, the little girl ruled her house and the one below her's. When the little boy was born, her regime abruptly ended. PYT (poor young thing!) wanted to extract revenge. Revenge for walking into her lair, revenge for uprooting her rule, revenge for becoming the apple of everyone's eye. She waited and planned for two painful years so that the moment was right. He was 2 and she was 4. He was still learning to speak (boys, she thought, they take time don't they?). So one day, when nobody was around, she quietly crept up behind him and pinched him. She pinched him so hard that he began to cry, and loudly too. Now, when a little boy cries all the people in the house simply run to his recuse. She then came into the room just like the others(well before everybody could come, she snuck out and ran back in like everyone else!) to see what had happened to her wailing brother. Sheer intelligence, I say. She took charge of the situation and started hitting the wall saying "You bad bad horrible wall, how could you hit my brother" . AWW.. that was exactly what everybody said. She simply loves her brother, they went on to say, and then they left the room. Miss Predator had found the perfect revenge. She would do it every now and then and get away unwatched. Well, good times don't last long, and so it was that an aunt was actually watching the scene unnoticed (by the little girl!). She found what the little girl was doing and the attacks ended. Everyone got to know what was actually going wrong and life was now a lot happier for Mr. Prey.

My point made, I assume. Infants are in such a stage where they really cannot tell what happened or who did what to them, at the same time they are hurt, the poor things, and they cannot help wailing. Such are the infant woes.

From Corporate to Govt.: a small leap - Part II

MY PROJECT'S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION

I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!! The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for 30-60-90-120 days' milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after

this.

The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy. Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.

The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and text Murthy.

You won't believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!

That wasn't much of a transition I guess. But ofcourse, one has to compromise on factors like power sockets and projectors (like they are really going to raise security threats!).

Just for the record; terrorists have stopped attacking govt. officials (to hell with the oldies in the govt. office, they hardly represent the people), rather they have taken to tormenting real people with real lives. That is just my opinion. Theories apart, this was altogether a good read and being the complete IT professional that I am, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

From Corporate to Govt.: a small leap - Part I

I have been on a silent spell these days, I guess my issues with regularity is obviously visible, but well I have been doing some good amount of reading. Now, that I guess seems like a good excuse. I came across this passage and like any good reader, decided to share it.

Apparently this was written by a guy named Nandan Nilekani.And this is what he penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. He wrote:

The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly.

After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence. Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!! I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.

It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in a more acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right. We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!

I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsman Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would "fix" me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book," The World Markets are flattened".

Since there was no doubt about the "Fixational" capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider. The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project's turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!!

... to be contd.